Luckily, I have no monthly constraints on my posting frequency (nudge to the ribs of some friends). So I can throw up posts like this one and not care a whole helluva lot about its quality. I know it's crap, but we can't all be Pauly's.
On the way home from Vegas, I watched There Will Be Blood on my iPod touch. Unbelievable performance by Daniel Day-Lewis. Most powerful acting I've ever seen. Not that I'm some kind of movie aficionado, but even I could recognize his brilliance there. "I. Drink. Your. Milkshake."
Closing out April, I had a decent month in live poker but a negative month in online poker. Still up overall for the year in both, but the online ring game still haunts me and frustrates me. I'll do very well in Turbo SNG's but then get bored and try my hand at ring games. Then I'll do well, get bored, and lose more than I've won in a frustrating frenzy of donkism. Do people always have monsters these days in 6-handed NLHE? Apparently against me, they do.
You've seen me shred, but as of last week, G-Rob bought an acoustic guitar. I figured what the hell and did so as well. Now I can play all metal intros because the cliche'd acoustic parts rule. To wit: Battery from Master of Puppets. I'm also considering covering all Spinal Tap songs acoustically. I have most of Tonight I'm Gonna Rock Ya (Tonight) properly arranged.
Kids are good. Wife is good. Work is work. Monday's continue to be the highlight of my week. I've managed to gather enough folks for a home game tonight and am looking forward to that. It's been a while since I've played on a Friday. G-Rob can play, which is both good (company-wise) and bad (pot-size-wise).
I leave you with one joke from Thursday night's game last week, courtesy EasyE. A man lays by the bedside of his wife, who's been in a coma for months with no response whatsoever. Undeterred, the husband sits by her side every day looking for a sign, a glimpse of movement that would indicate she someday might improve. One day, while reaching his hand up to stroke her hair, he accidentally brushes one of her breasts. At that point, her eyes begin to flutter a bit and he thought he could detect some minor movement. He excitedly tells the doctor what happened. The doctor says, "This is a definite breakthrough. This may sound odd, but I want you to try something. The nurses and I will leave the room, after which I want you to try oral sex with her. That just might be enough to trigger a response." The doctor and nurses leave the man unattended with his wife. Not five minutes later, the monitors at the nurses station indicate that the woman is flat-lined. Shouts of "Code blue! Code blue!" fill the hallway as the doctor and nurses rush into the room. "What happened???" asked the doctor. The husband, with a puzzled look on his face could only respond, "I think she choked."
Hope everyone has a good weekend.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
I'm A Groupie Too
Spent some time on Monday being a huge fan boy. Took a trip to Randy Couture's gym in Las Vegas. When first meeting me, Forrest said, "You are by far the most talented mixed martial artist that's never been trained in any discipline." Well, he didn't say that really. But I'm pretty sure he was thinking it. 'cause it's TRUE!
Monday, April 21, 2008
Two Minutes To Midnight
"Always play two-six suited," said Kirk. He was bald, like me, so maybe that's why I listened. If there's one thing I do well at the poker table, it's look for a way to win a hand. Turns out I was dealt two-six offsuit. "Close enough," I thought. I called a raise in position.
I normally fold two-six. Shouldn't we all? But I looked down at the clock on my iPod. It said 11:56. I needed to be in a hand exactly at midnight. Exactly as my biological clock ticked past a meaningless milestone. Meaningless to most everyone but me.
"Re-raise," said the small blind. He made it $35 to go. The original raiser called the raise, but I folded. There went my big opportunity. Sometimes, my conservative self takes over and guides my actions. I still have a tough time letting go.
The flop came down T34. Rainbow. The small blind fired off a $50 continuation bet that was called by the original raiser. "Don't put a five out there Kurt," I pleaded. It's bad poker to pay 25 big blinds to catch a gutshot. He didn't know I folded his favorite hand.
The turn was a 5.
I could have tripled up off of pocket Aces and some other random hand. But I didn't, because I folded. It's proper poker to fold that hand in that spot. But maybe once in a while, it's OK to gamble. I'm only turning 40 once.
****
I had met TheTrooper in the deli prior to sitting down. He's an Iron Maiden fan and that's a positive in my mind. His nickname comes from a song made famous by them. It's the only song I could beat TheMark on in Guitar Hero. There's a poker hand that also goes by the same name. It's nine-seven.
I was a bit disappointed after folding my two-six. But sometimes, we're given second chances.
Officially, it wasn't yet my birthday. The previous hand only took two minutes. It was 11:58. And I was dealt nine-seven off suit.
I limped.
****
Prior to playing poker that night, the wife and I took our first beating at blackjack. She was running well, I was playing profitably too. But we got hit hard in our last session and when TheTrooper arrived at MGM, we closed the session down.
Right after I limped, the Mrs. tapped me on my shoulder. She had lost some more money at blackjack and needed more cash. I didn't mind, we're here to spend money and have a good time. Stop losses are for people who can't let go.
I fished out another hundred dollar bill from my pocket just as the flop came out. 987. Two spades.
With her re-buy in hand, the Mrs. didn't wait around to see the outcome of the hand. Perhaps that's why when it was checked to me, I bet at the pot. I was called in three places. I immediately put people on either draws on top pair. I felt I was ahead.
The turn paired the 7. I'm pretty sure the clock struck midnight exactly at that moment.
****
Of course, someone had flopped the straight. And when I fired the turn after the board paired, that guy felt it would be good to go all-in. Call when ahead, raise when behind. I was apologetic after I stacked him.
"I got lucky there on the turn," I offered.
"Yeah, ya think."
Luckily for me, someone else said it.
"Hey man, it's his birthday."
I normally fold two-six. Shouldn't we all? But I looked down at the clock on my iPod. It said 11:56. I needed to be in a hand exactly at midnight. Exactly as my biological clock ticked past a meaningless milestone. Meaningless to most everyone but me.
"Re-raise," said the small blind. He made it $35 to go. The original raiser called the raise, but I folded. There went my big opportunity. Sometimes, my conservative self takes over and guides my actions. I still have a tough time letting go.
The flop came down T34. Rainbow. The small blind fired off a $50 continuation bet that was called by the original raiser. "Don't put a five out there Kurt," I pleaded. It's bad poker to pay 25 big blinds to catch a gutshot. He didn't know I folded his favorite hand.
The turn was a 5.
I could have tripled up off of pocket Aces and some other random hand. But I didn't, because I folded. It's proper poker to fold that hand in that spot. But maybe once in a while, it's OK to gamble. I'm only turning 40 once.
****
I had met TheTrooper in the deli prior to sitting down. He's an Iron Maiden fan and that's a positive in my mind. His nickname comes from a song made famous by them. It's the only song I could beat TheMark on in Guitar Hero. There's a poker hand that also goes by the same name. It's nine-seven.
I was a bit disappointed after folding my two-six. But sometimes, we're given second chances.
Officially, it wasn't yet my birthday. The previous hand only took two minutes. It was 11:58. And I was dealt nine-seven off suit.
I limped.
****
Prior to playing poker that night, the wife and I took our first beating at blackjack. She was running well, I was playing profitably too. But we got hit hard in our last session and when TheTrooper arrived at MGM, we closed the session down.
Right after I limped, the Mrs. tapped me on my shoulder. She had lost some more money at blackjack and needed more cash. I didn't mind, we're here to spend money and have a good time. Stop losses are for people who can't let go.
I fished out another hundred dollar bill from my pocket just as the flop came out. 987. Two spades.
With her re-buy in hand, the Mrs. didn't wait around to see the outcome of the hand. Perhaps that's why when it was checked to me, I bet at the pot. I was called in three places. I immediately put people on either draws on top pair. I felt I was ahead.
The turn paired the 7. I'm pretty sure the clock struck midnight exactly at that moment.
****
Of course, someone had flopped the straight. And when I fired the turn after the board paired, that guy felt it would be good to go all-in. Call when ahead, raise when behind. I was apologetic after I stacked him.
"I got lucky there on the turn," I offered.
"Yeah, ya think."
Luckily for me, someone else said it.
"Hey man, it's his birthday."
Sunday, April 20, 2008
My Wife, The Poker Groupie
First some comments. Gavin remembered me from Al's bash. Cool. Patrick, yeah, whatever. I look like him. Except he's taller.
Hey I Brought A Laptop
Random quick updates since it's 1:33 AM local time and the Mrs and I just had to order room service because we haven't eaten in over 9 hours. It's no wonder why I lose weight in Vegas. Forgetting to eat FTW!
Met up with Uncle Ted Friday night.
At the Excalibur Sherwood Forest Bar.
It had to be there.
I dropped $100 at video poker. The Mrs. dropped $20. She's better.
Played drunken Pai Gow at the Excalibur because it was lower limit heaven for us.
The Mrs. lost $5.
I lost $200. Because my last $100 bet pulled a Q-hi Pai Gow.
The Mrs. is better than me.
Slept.
Woke up way too early and had a way too expensive bagel.
Was OK with waking up because the Mrs. wanted to play poker. Say no more.
We sat at the same 1/2NL table. I lost $14. She lost $116. I'm better. But not by much.
Met the Armbrusters's at Planet Hollywood for lunch. He's a GucciGame regular. Lunch was superb, great company, great food, great drinks. Tony the Tiger approved.
Walked back to MGM realizing we hadn't won shit all vacation. Figured we'd change it up.
Blackjack. Because Bobby Bracelet plays it.
I won $150. The Mrs. won $100. Felt good.
Cabbed it to Treasure Island for Mystere. First Cirque show. Really was fantastic and worth the money. Had some popcorn, thinking that might be dinner. It was.
Convinced the Mrs. to play the 10pm Treasure Island tournament for $65. She busted. Odd tournament. They limit it to 2 tables, 20 players. But wait. Alternates too. No rebuys, but re-starts are allowed in the 1st hour if no more alternates are waiting.
I won some hands. Pushed a couple of times and didn't get called. Flopped the nuts once. Never got AA, but got KK twice.
Final table.
Only 4 pay though.
Got 6-handed and I doubled up a guy just so I could get short-stacked and make my decisions easier. Well, that wasn't really my reason. It was because I felt pot committed after raising with KQ.
Pushed when needed to.
5-handed, shortest stack open pushes. I wake up with AJ suited. Monster. We all know that.
I over push.
Folds around.
He shows ATo. Not a monster. But it's the Gooch. Six people know what that means.
I'm ready to bubble.
But this is live, not online. I flop an Ace. Brick, brick. In the money!
Stacks even - 4-way chop suggested. I don't mess with karma and agree.
$324 which I'll happily take.
But where'd the Mrs. go?
Oh.
To play more blackjack.
Great. (sarcasm)
"How you doing?"
"I'm up $200!"
Great. (no sarcasm)
Ship it holla!
Met up with Uncle Ted Friday night.
At the Excalibur Sherwood Forest Bar.
It had to be there.
I dropped $100 at video poker. The Mrs. dropped $20. She's better.
Played drunken Pai Gow at the Excalibur because it was lower limit heaven for us.
The Mrs. lost $5.
I lost $200. Because my last $100 bet pulled a Q-hi Pai Gow.
The Mrs. is better than me.
Slept.
Woke up way too early and had a way too expensive bagel.
Was OK with waking up because the Mrs. wanted to play poker. Say no more.
We sat at the same 1/2NL table. I lost $14. She lost $116. I'm better. But not by much.
Met the Armbrusters's at Planet Hollywood for lunch. He's a GucciGame regular. Lunch was superb, great company, great food, great drinks. Tony the Tiger approved.
Walked back to MGM realizing we hadn't won shit all vacation. Figured we'd change it up.
Blackjack. Because Bobby Bracelet plays it.
I won $150. The Mrs. won $100. Felt good.
Cabbed it to Treasure Island for Mystere. First Cirque show. Really was fantastic and worth the money. Had some popcorn, thinking that might be dinner. It was.
Convinced the Mrs. to play the 10pm Treasure Island tournament for $65. She busted. Odd tournament. They limit it to 2 tables, 20 players. But wait. Alternates too. No rebuys, but re-starts are allowed in the 1st hour if no more alternates are waiting.
I won some hands. Pushed a couple of times and didn't get called. Flopped the nuts once. Never got AA, but got KK twice.
Final table.
Only 4 pay though.
Got 6-handed and I doubled up a guy just so I could get short-stacked and make my decisions easier. Well, that wasn't really my reason. It was because I felt pot committed after raising with KQ.
Pushed when needed to.
5-handed, shortest stack open pushes. I wake up with AJ suited. Monster. We all know that.
I over push.
Folds around.
He shows ATo. Not a monster. But it's the Gooch. Six people know what that means.
I'm ready to bubble.
But this is live, not online. I flop an Ace. Brick, brick. In the money!
Stacks even - 4-way chop suggested. I don't mess with karma and agree.
$324 which I'll happily take.
But where'd the Mrs. go?
Oh.
To play more blackjack.
Great. (sarcasm)
"How you doing?"
"I'm up $200!"
Great. (no sarcasm)
Ship it holla!
Monday, April 14, 2008
Returning the Favor
It had been quite a while since my last (and only) visit to casa de Falstaff. Two weekends ago, he and his crew made the trek down to G-Vegas and collectively crushed the tournament and cash games. Word on the street was that Bobby Bracelet was hanging near Charlotte, NC for the weekend and would be a guest of honor at their weekly poker game. That was all the motivation I needed to drive up there for an evening; that, and to take back a little bit of G-Vegas pride from those pesky North Carolinians.
I arrived a bit early and found the afore-linked duo playing some Chinese poker. I joined in and promptly lost 4 points in about 4 deals. With the exception of the first hand, it was as if I were playing Pai Gow. I show 9-hi, Q-hi and a low flush. Yay.
SpecialK would join us as would Jimmy The Knife.
No need to bore you with poker hands, it was a night of fun. My pocket Aces did actually hold up both times, once against Q-hi and once against A-hi. I run goot.
The worst part? Unequivocally, the drive back to G-Vegas from 2am to 3:30am. If I didn't have such allergies to cat hair, I'd have crashed there. But still, it was absolutely worth it, especially with the Bracelet's attendance. Word on the street is that he may be moving to the Charlotte area, so future renditions of Saturday night are sure to occur.
Would G-Vegas ever recover from a visit from the Bracelet? We hope to find out soon.
I arrived a bit early and found the afore-linked duo playing some Chinese poker. I joined in and promptly lost 4 points in about 4 deals. With the exception of the first hand, it was as if I were playing Pai Gow. I show 9-hi, Q-hi and a low flush. Yay.
SpecialK would join us as would Jimmy The Knife.
No need to bore you with poker hands, it was a night of fun. My pocket Aces did actually hold up both times, once against Q-hi and once against A-hi. I run goot.
The worst part? Unequivocally, the drive back to G-Vegas from 2am to 3:30am. If I didn't have such allergies to cat hair, I'd have crashed there. But still, it was absolutely worth it, especially with the Bracelet's attendance. Word on the street is that he may be moving to the Charlotte area, so future renditions of Saturday night are sure to occur.
Would G-Vegas ever recover from a visit from the Bracelet? We hope to find out soon.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Tower of Piza
I'm on such life tilt that I can't even think straight.
Some days at work are non-stop I-need-help-from-you-fests. Granted, I'm responsible for many things and many people here at Imaginary Company. But some days, when it's a barrage of questions directed to me by people from all over the world with no break in between, I become slightly peeved. There are times I get up from my chair to go to the bathroom only to come back to more I-need-help-from-you emails, phone messages and the best of them all, instant messages. Because people need help from me NOW. Not later. But now.
Yesterday when the work day ended, I drove my rental car (yes, rental car) to the Honda dealership to pick up our mini-van. It needed a new alternator and some fluids replaced. Hell, I need some fluids replaced right now. Or at least lovingly extracted. Or not even so lovingly.
Where was I?
Oh yes. On I-need-your-help tilt.
I finally get home and relieve my mother-in-law from babysitting duties while the Mrs. is at class. No time to unwind there - the kids need help with dinner. Then they need help with homework. And after that they need help getting snacks before bedtime.
So finally, FINALLY, TheBlood sits down to a couple of SNG's on the poker machine in a what will become very futile attempt to forget all about the previous 12 hours.
It doesn't work.
MrsBlood gets home and immediately asks for help getting pictures off the digital camera onto her laptop. All the while, I'm 2-tabling with headphones on trying my best to escape into the world of calm and relaxation. Right after I told her I was on I-need-your-help-tilt. But guess what?
Cue Shannon Sharpe: "It don't matter!"
Well, hellfire. Some days, my needs don't matter one single bit. Sure I yelled, and sure I was a jerk (aren't we always dear readers who happen to be husbands?), but I HELPED everyone who needed it yesterday.
Beyond my normal capacity to withstand aggravation, I left the house and drove to my favorite dealer's choice Thursday night donkey game.
Wherein I got my Aces cracked two hands in a row by the same player.
I need help.
Some days at work are non-stop I-need-help-from-you-fests. Granted, I'm responsible for many things and many people here at Imaginary Company. But some days, when it's a barrage of questions directed to me by people from all over the world with no break in between, I become slightly peeved. There are times I get up from my chair to go to the bathroom only to come back to more I-need-help-from-you emails, phone messages and the best of them all, instant messages. Because people need help from me NOW. Not later. But now.
Yesterday when the work day ended, I drove my rental car (yes, rental car) to the Honda dealership to pick up our mini-van. It needed a new alternator and some fluids replaced. Hell, I need some fluids replaced right now. Or at least lovingly extracted. Or not even so lovingly.
Where was I?
Oh yes. On I-need-your-help tilt.
I finally get home and relieve my mother-in-law from babysitting duties while the Mrs. is at class. No time to unwind there - the kids need help with dinner. Then they need help with homework. And after that they need help getting snacks before bedtime.
So finally, FINALLY, TheBlood sits down to a couple of SNG's on the poker machine in a what will become very futile attempt to forget all about the previous 12 hours.
It doesn't work.
MrsBlood gets home and immediately asks for help getting pictures off the digital camera onto her laptop. All the while, I'm 2-tabling with headphones on trying my best to escape into the world of calm and relaxation. Right after I told her I was on I-need-your-help-tilt. But guess what?
Cue Shannon Sharpe: "It don't matter!"
Well, hellfire. Some days, my needs don't matter one single bit. Sure I yelled, and sure I was a jerk (aren't we always dear readers who happen to be husbands?), but I HELPED everyone who needed it yesterday.
Beyond my normal capacity to withstand aggravation, I left the house and drove to my favorite dealer's choice Thursday night donkey game.
Wherein I got my Aces cracked two hands in a row by the same player.
I need help.
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