Warning: What you about to real is real and unedited. When you are finished reading the following poker hand recap, you will feel dumber for having done so. The names are changed to protect the innocent, the donkeys and the raging tilters.
The game is 1/2 NL with a $300 max buy-in. The game has been going several hours and there are multiple buy-ins on the table. A "rock" is in play, a forced $5 straddle under the gun. The table is 9 handed.
The pre-flop action. Player 1 limps for $5. Player 2 raises to $25. Player 3 calls. Player 4 calls. Player 5, on the button, raises to $105. Player 6, the $5 straddle calls. Player 1, the limper, calls. Player 2, 3, and 4, the initial raiser and two callers also call.
$630 in the pot. Preflop. Two complete buy-ins. Nobody in the hand has a pot-sized bet left.
The flop comes 458, rainbow. Five checks and we're back to the button. He bets $300.
Straddler, Player 6 folds A5 suited. Limper, Player 1, folds unknown cards. Initial raiser, Player 2, folds pocket tens. Player 3 check-raises all in for $450 claiming, "I'll gamble." Player 4 reluctantly folds top pair, unknown kicker. Player 5, facing a $150 raise into a $1350 pot calls with an unimproved AJo.
I'll let you pause, and perhaps re-read the action, because I haven't even got to the good part yet.
Done?
OK. Player 3, says, I just have top pair and flips up Jack of spades.........
......
......
...... and the 3 of spades?????
"Oh no....I mis-read my hand," he said.
Player 5 has him crushed. The board is 458 rainbow and Player 3 is drawing to 3 outs. He can't even draw to runner-runner flush. A 6,7 can get a chop, but that's about it. It's an epic mis-read.
Player 5, perhaps being gracious, perhaps being risk-averse, offers Player 3 a chance to run it twice. Player 3, now realizing what bad shape he's in, immediately agrees.
First run: Turn 3, river brick.
Second run: Turn 3, river brick.
Player 3 scoops a $1500 pot.
This hand officially breaks the record for dumbest $1500 poker hand of all time.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Steel Foot Memories - # 97
From my favorite adventures in Intelligent Travel Booking Procedures:
After looking at my Yahoo flight schedule printout, she said “That’s odd, I don’t think we even have a 12:35 flight today.” Meanwhile, because my luck has been running so well, I simply figured they either changed the flight time or possibly the flight number and within a few short minutes, I’d be happily on my way.
She continued inspecting my printout then said, “Umm, do you realize that your return flight is not scheduled for August 6th?”
“Huh? Come again?”
“It says right here, return trip – Wednesday September 6th.”
Major malfunction.
Realizing that I had mis-clicked the month on the Yahoo travel reservation page, I was still holding onto the hope that this agent could still get me back home the same day. However, after about ten minutes of furiously typing on her keypad, she said “The earliest I can confirm a seat for you back to Greenville is Tuesday August 8th.”
My personal How-Fucked-Am-I-Meter rose to “Mildly.”
After looking at my Yahoo flight schedule printout, she said “That’s odd, I don’t think we even have a 12:35 flight today.” Meanwhile, because my luck has been running so well, I simply figured they either changed the flight time or possibly the flight number and within a few short minutes, I’d be happily on my way.
She continued inspecting my printout then said, “Umm, do you realize that your return flight is not scheduled for August 6th?”
“Huh? Come again?”
“It says right here, return trip – Wednesday September 6th.”
Major malfunction.
Realizing that I had mis-clicked the month on the Yahoo travel reservation page, I was still holding onto the hope that this agent could still get me back home the same day. However, after about ten minutes of furiously typing on her keypad, she said “The earliest I can confirm a seat for you back to Greenville is Tuesday August 8th.”
My personal How-Fucked-Am-I-Meter rose to “Mildly.”
Friday, September 4, 2009
Steel Foot Memories - # 98
Apparently, I can't count. It's 14 weeks, not 13 weeks until Vegas. If I only had more fingers.
Here's a quick one about my tendency to abuse female dealers in Vegas....
"I’m not 100% sure, but I believe I had just sucked out on Michael Craig at the $2/$6 Vegas Hold ‘em table at the Excalibur. I raised my fists in jubilation, not knowing that the next dealer for the table was standing right behind me. Bam! I connected with her right orbital socket. I immediately apologized, but the dealer seemed, shall we say, not too pleased. She sat down and I gave her $2, because you know, I’m a big spender. Anyway, I kept tipping her all I could until she at least smiled once. It wasn’t until later that I found out she was pregnant."
Here's a quick one about my tendency to abuse female dealers in Vegas....
"I’m not 100% sure, but I believe I had just sucked out on Michael Craig at the $2/$6 Vegas Hold ‘em table at the Excalibur. I raised my fists in jubilation, not knowing that the next dealer for the table was standing right behind me. Bam! I connected with her right orbital socket. I immediately apologized, but the dealer seemed, shall we say, not too pleased. She sat down and I gave her $2, because you know, I’m a big spender. Anyway, I kept tipping her all I could until she at least smiled once. It wasn’t until later that I found out she was pregnant."
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Steel Foot Memories - # 90
From August of 2006....
"The noise preceded their entrance by about 30 seconds. Very drunk and very loud, five new players joined the game. Huge wads of cash and yellow $1000 chips fell from their pockets onto the table. All five players bought in for the max - $500. They were all from Norway, fresh from a monster run at the craps table and ready to play some cards. Or so I thought.
They occupied seats 1 through 5, and on the first hand when the 10 seat made a standard pre-flop raise, seat 2 came over the top.
For $500.
“Oh boy,” I thought to myself, “this is going to get crazy.”
The tourist who tilted the Australian douche bag went into the tank. “What the hell is he thinking about?” I thought. Did he have TT, JJ, or AK. Nah, nothing like that. Tourist called the pre-flop all-in from the drunk Norwegian in the 2 seat with KTo. What did Norway have? AJo. The Ace held up, the tourist was busted, and we were on our way."
"The noise preceded their entrance by about 30 seconds. Very drunk and very loud, five new players joined the game. Huge wads of cash and yellow $1000 chips fell from their pockets onto the table. All five players bought in for the max - $500. They were all from Norway, fresh from a monster run at the craps table and ready to play some cards. Or so I thought.
They occupied seats 1 through 5, and on the first hand when the 10 seat made a standard pre-flop raise, seat 2 came over the top.
For $500.
“Oh boy,” I thought to myself, “this is going to get crazy.”
The tourist who tilted the Australian douche bag went into the tank. “What the hell is he thinking about?” I thought. Did he have TT, JJ, or AK. Nah, nothing like that. Tourist called the pre-flop all-in from the drunk Norwegian in the 2 seat with KTo. What did Norway have? AJo. The Ace held up, the tourist was busted, and we were on our way."
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Steel Foot Memories - # 91
Here's an endeavor that will likely go nowhere; like Lamb of God's latest, this is Set to Fail. However, you can't fault a man for trying.
****
Something To Look Forward To. STLFT. Steel Foot. There are exactly 13 weeks between now and the WPBT Vegas trip. It's the 5th anniversary of the first time we got together back in December of '04. In an attempt to bring some level of anticipation to this forthcoming trip, I will post a quick memory of Vegas trips past on a daily basis. That's the setup. The payoff will be commensurate with your investment....
****
"Not long after I see Otis and what I originally thought was one of his Missouri posse hanging out on the rail. Oddly, this other guy seemed to be staring at me in a way that made me slightly uncomfortable. He was staring with this wry smile and at first I thought he was sizing me up so he could kick my ass later. Being on the friendly side, after I folded a hand, I went to introduce myself. I asked Otis if this was a friend of his. Otis replied, “I just met him.” Odd. Nonetheless, I introduced myself and he mentioned something about being a fan of my blog. Even more odd. My blog’s not really anything to write home about, unless you like heavy metal and strippers.
So I went back to my seat and again watched as this person stared at me. Finally, after a couple more minutes, this guy mouths the words, “I’m Iggy.” Ok, now my pants weren’t dry, for I shat them. The man, the myth, the non-dwarf??? I cashed out and immediately went with Iggy and Otis to the Sherwood Forest for drinking and drinking and more drinking."
****
Something To Look Forward To. STLFT. Steel Foot. There are exactly 13 weeks between now and the WPBT Vegas trip. It's the 5th anniversary of the first time we got together back in December of '04. In an attempt to bring some level of anticipation to this forthcoming trip, I will post a quick memory of Vegas trips past on a daily basis. That's the setup. The payoff will be commensurate with your investment....
****
"Not long after I see Otis and what I originally thought was one of his Missouri posse hanging out on the rail. Oddly, this other guy seemed to be staring at me in a way that made me slightly uncomfortable. He was staring with this wry smile and at first I thought he was sizing me up so he could kick my ass later. Being on the friendly side, after I folded a hand, I went to introduce myself. I asked Otis if this was a friend of his. Otis replied, “I just met him.” Odd. Nonetheless, I introduced myself and he mentioned something about being a fan of my blog. Even more odd. My blog’s not really anything to write home about, unless you like heavy metal and strippers.
So I went back to my seat and again watched as this person stared at me. Finally, after a couple more minutes, this guy mouths the words, “I’m Iggy.” Ok, now my pants weren’t dry, for I shat them. The man, the myth, the non-dwarf??? I cashed out and immediately went with Iggy and Otis to the Sherwood Forest for drinking and drinking and more drinking."
Friday, August 28, 2009
It's The Final Friday
It's not always you can book your next trip to Vegas before you finish a trip report from your last visit, but when your blogging rate drops to the G-Rob levels, that's what happens. I've also become a bit lazy too. Combine that with my work-based free time approaching nil (that's British for nothing; remember, I'm bi-lingual), and these posts become about as infrequent as AlCantHang's sobriety.
Rather than bore you with my take on day 2 in Vegas, let me simply re-direct you to this.
I'll jump right into day 3 if you'll allow me to. Hopefully I can remember it all. I do know that it was a Friday.
****
The plan was to perform the impossible. Take a regular run of the mill Procedure and improve it. I felt that the only way to improve something so well-refined would be to make it something that could only happen in Vegas. After all, you really can perform a Procedure anywhere. Even in your own house. If you know the right people.
But what to add? I'd debated for months on how it could be done, but somehow, someway, the Procedure needed to include Sushi and a Steel Panther show. So with that in mind, Friday in Vegas became Final Friday and those of us who were there were on a mission the likes of which General Patton couldn't have completed.
****
From my perspective, the cornerstone of Final Friday was the drinking phase. There is a fine line between not drinking enough and drinking far too much such that often times, you fail to optimize your enjoyment. Watching a pro like AlCantHang for the past five years, I figured that his method was finely tuned. Sipping hard liquor with a water back seemed like my best bet. And thanks to being in the Venetian poker room (seriously, why play anywhere else) I decided upon the following: The Glenlivet and 4/8 Omaha 8 or better with a half-kill.
I know what you're thinking. Limit poker? Yes, limit poker. I had already won a buy-in at 1/3 NL before the Final Friday gang showed up and I figured I'd book that win. Because the plans for this day had been detailed so painstakingly, I felt it was the best choice. I really didn't want to sour my mood in any fashion by making a donk, lose-my-stack play at the no-limit tables. Cautious, yes, but boring, no. Not with the company who was trickling into the room.
For a while, the game was going strong with 2-tables filled with bloggers. Me, Otis, Al, CK, F-Train, Amy Callistri, PokerShrink and even Change100 made their way into the game. Pauly was busy elsewhere in the room, stacking foreigners ruthlessly. We even got the Venetian to deal a mixed game of Stud8, O8, Razz, Badugi, and 2-7 Triple Draw. When it was time to pack up and go get some sushi, I was riding the crest of the perfectly buzzed wave and cashing out a Drizz-like 7 racks of whites. I ran sick good. Phase One and Two complete.
****
CK and F-Train being locals, and more importantly having a car, graciously helped us with our sushi dining experience. They made reservations for us at Naked Fish and off we went. In the twenty minutes it takes to get from the Venetian casino to Durango Drive we probably passed 50 Asian massage parlors. And I'm not exaggerating. Some day we'll include a Rub 'n Tug to the Procedure, but not this time.
Dinner was quite frankly one of the most amazing dinners I've ever had. I'm no Boy Genius foodie type, but I'd say that it will be tough to top that sushi anywhere else. If you've not ever gone, give it a try if you're into the raw fish.
Phase Three complete.
****
We were a bit pressed for time. Phase Four would have to be quick. We had to get to Green Valley Ranch by midnight for Steel Panther and didn't want to get shut out of the show. I won't go into details here because not everyone completed Phase Four. Based on my expenditures on Day 2, even I didn't purchase any "experiences" at Phase Four. Pretty amazing. It almost brings up a philosophical question: If you go to a strip club and don't get a lap dance, did you really go to a strip club? Questions like this have confounded philosophers and degenerates for ages. We'll table the debate for another time.
So, while all of us where there, not all of us were there.
****
Finally, we arrived at Phase Five. We were almost complete with the nearly impossible Final Friday. We were still a bit later than we wanted to be and the line out of Ovations where Steel Panther play was growing long. We made a command decision and I greased the floor to let us in and secure us a table. We were required to drink at least $150 worth of alcohol. I think Al said, "That's it?"
Earlier in the day (warning, this might be a little gay), I sent a Tweet to Steel Panther's guitarist to play Asian Hooker during the show. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. Instead, intermingled with all the cover songs they were playing, we heard Death To All But Metal and Community Property instead. Fair exchange. I did actually get a reply the next day from Satchel saying to text him earlier the next time. I nearly dropped my BlackBerry when I saw the reply. Ah. Being a fanboy. It's the little things that matter.
When the show was over, Otis caught up with some Stars folks who also had attended the show. If I recall correctly, Evelyn Ng, Maridu, and Adam Levy were there. Evelyn is tall. Very tall. That's all I really remember since I hadn't stopped drinking at any point during Final Friday. Being caught between super-buzzed and the beginnings of obliteration, I felt the only logical thing to do would be to attack the Green Valley poker room.
You could call it Phase Five A.
Since it was late, the poker room was nearly empty. We were all seated at the same 4/8 limit hold 'em table. Yeah, I said limit hold 'em. More limit poker? Why the hell not. Collectively, we tilted the hell out of the locals. They were horrible anyway, but by the time the session was over, only me, Al and F-Train had chips.
Somehow, I had won over $700 for the day at 4/8 limit poker. That just sounds dumb. But it's true. It made for the perfect conclusion of a perfect day and night in Vegas.
Final Friday. I'm not sure it will ever be topped.
But of course, that won't stop me from trying.
Rather than bore you with my take on day 2 in Vegas, let me simply re-direct you to this.
I'll jump right into day 3 if you'll allow me to. Hopefully I can remember it all. I do know that it was a Friday.
****
The plan was to perform the impossible. Take a regular run of the mill Procedure and improve it. I felt that the only way to improve something so well-refined would be to make it something that could only happen in Vegas. After all, you really can perform a Procedure anywhere. Even in your own house. If you know the right people.
But what to add? I'd debated for months on how it could be done, but somehow, someway, the Procedure needed to include Sushi and a Steel Panther show. So with that in mind, Friday in Vegas became Final Friday and those of us who were there were on a mission the likes of which General Patton couldn't have completed.
****
From my perspective, the cornerstone of Final Friday was the drinking phase. There is a fine line between not drinking enough and drinking far too much such that often times, you fail to optimize your enjoyment. Watching a pro like AlCantHang for the past five years, I figured that his method was finely tuned. Sipping hard liquor with a water back seemed like my best bet. And thanks to being in the Venetian poker room (seriously, why play anywhere else) I decided upon the following: The Glenlivet and 4/8 Omaha 8 or better with a half-kill.
I know what you're thinking. Limit poker? Yes, limit poker. I had already won a buy-in at 1/3 NL before the Final Friday gang showed up and I figured I'd book that win. Because the plans for this day had been detailed so painstakingly, I felt it was the best choice. I really didn't want to sour my mood in any fashion by making a donk, lose-my-stack play at the no-limit tables. Cautious, yes, but boring, no. Not with the company who was trickling into the room.
For a while, the game was going strong with 2-tables filled with bloggers. Me, Otis, Al, CK, F-Train, Amy Callistri, PokerShrink and even Change100 made their way into the game. Pauly was busy elsewhere in the room, stacking foreigners ruthlessly. We even got the Venetian to deal a mixed game of Stud8, O8, Razz, Badugi, and 2-7 Triple Draw. When it was time to pack up and go get some sushi, I was riding the crest of the perfectly buzzed wave and cashing out a Drizz-like 7 racks of whites. I ran sick good. Phase One and Two complete.
****
CK and F-Train being locals, and more importantly having a car, graciously helped us with our sushi dining experience. They made reservations for us at Naked Fish and off we went. In the twenty minutes it takes to get from the Venetian casino to Durango Drive we probably passed 50 Asian massage parlors. And I'm not exaggerating. Some day we'll include a Rub 'n Tug to the Procedure, but not this time.
Dinner was quite frankly one of the most amazing dinners I've ever had. I'm no Boy Genius foodie type, but I'd say that it will be tough to top that sushi anywhere else. If you've not ever gone, give it a try if you're into the raw fish.
Phase Three complete.
****
We were a bit pressed for time. Phase Four would have to be quick. We had to get to Green Valley Ranch by midnight for Steel Panther and didn't want to get shut out of the show. I won't go into details here because not everyone completed Phase Four. Based on my expenditures on Day 2, even I didn't purchase any "experiences" at Phase Four. Pretty amazing. It almost brings up a philosophical question: If you go to a strip club and don't get a lap dance, did you really go to a strip club? Questions like this have confounded philosophers and degenerates for ages. We'll table the debate for another time.
So, while all of us where there, not all of us were there.
****
Finally, we arrived at Phase Five. We were almost complete with the nearly impossible Final Friday. We were still a bit later than we wanted to be and the line out of Ovations where Steel Panther play was growing long. We made a command decision and I greased the floor to let us in and secure us a table. We were required to drink at least $150 worth of alcohol. I think Al said, "That's it?"
Earlier in the day (warning, this might be a little gay), I sent a Tweet to Steel Panther's guitarist to play Asian Hooker during the show. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. Instead, intermingled with all the cover songs they were playing, we heard Death To All But Metal and Community Property instead. Fair exchange. I did actually get a reply the next day from Satchel saying to text him earlier the next time. I nearly dropped my BlackBerry when I saw the reply. Ah. Being a fanboy. It's the little things that matter.
When the show was over, Otis caught up with some Stars folks who also had attended the show. If I recall correctly, Evelyn Ng, Maridu, and Adam Levy were there. Evelyn is tall. Very tall. That's all I really remember since I hadn't stopped drinking at any point during Final Friday. Being caught between super-buzzed and the beginnings of obliteration, I felt the only logical thing to do would be to attack the Green Valley poker room.
You could call it Phase Five A.
Since it was late, the poker room was nearly empty. We were all seated at the same 4/8 limit hold 'em table. Yeah, I said limit hold 'em. More limit poker? Why the hell not. Collectively, we tilted the hell out of the locals. They were horrible anyway, but by the time the session was over, only me, Al and F-Train had chips.
Somehow, I had won over $700 for the day at 4/8 limit poker. That just sounds dumb. But it's true. It made for the perfect conclusion of a perfect day and night in Vegas.
Final Friday. I'm not sure it will ever be topped.
But of course, that won't stop me from trying.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Day 1 Nears End
Rub. I'll admit that upon first glance, I wasn't thrilled to be eating BBQ. Obviously had there been an "N Tug" appended to the name, I'd have sprinted to get there. I wasn't too far removed from my lunch, so I intended to eat light. Ha. Eat light. At Rub. The portions are pretty damned big. I ordered the smoked turkey, coleslaw and shredded onion rings because that's what people trying to get shredded do. If I were a connoisseur (did I just use that word?) of BBQ food, my opinion on the meal may have carried more weight. However, even still, based on what everyone else ordered, and the quality of the meat, I'll give it a thumbs up. Price tag was about $30 per person, give or take.
Interesting side note. AlCantHang turned down prop-bet money to eat the remaining 9 pieces of bacon he ordered. Yeah, I just outed you.
After dinner, the gang from media row went back to work, thinking there'd be another six or seven hours of play until the Noviembre Nueve were established. Sick bilingualism right there. Especially with the French word used 2 paragraphs ago. I'll pause here so you can digest it sufficiently. There.
I went back to the Rio poker room and sat my outclassed self at the 1-3 game. Even though I was outmatched at the 2-5 game that was still running, I nonetheless found that the 1-3 game continued to be easy and boring. I cashed out because when I looked at the LCD showing the available games, I saw something pretty inspiring. PLO. I bolted for the open seat.
I didn't win or lose much, but I had a ton of fun. It was the first B&M PLO experience for me, having only played it live at local home games. There was, and I kid you not, a blonde guy named Lars from Sweden raising every pot. Just like online. Unfortunately for him, he wasn't very good. At showdown, when his opponent tabled top two pair, he showed his 4 hole cards thinking he'd win the pot. AAJJ, with neither of those ranks on board. "I have a higher two-pair," he said. When he finally went bust (he had about $900 in front when I sat down), and I didn't get any of it, the game lost some of its flair.
Then, to pretty much every one's surprise, the Main Event was over before 11pm local time. That only meant one thing, off to the Hooker Bar and -EV games at the Gold Coast.
Interesting side note. AlCantHang turned down prop-bet money to eat the remaining 9 pieces of bacon he ordered. Yeah, I just outed you.
After dinner, the gang from media row went back to work, thinking there'd be another six or seven hours of play until the Noviembre Nueve were established. Sick bilingualism right there. Especially with the French word used 2 paragraphs ago. I'll pause here so you can digest it sufficiently. There.
I went back to the Rio poker room and sat my outclassed self at the 1-3 game. Even though I was outmatched at the 2-5 game that was still running, I nonetheless found that the 1-3 game continued to be easy and boring. I cashed out because when I looked at the LCD showing the available games, I saw something pretty inspiring. PLO. I bolted for the open seat.
I didn't win or lose much, but I had a ton of fun. It was the first B&M PLO experience for me, having only played it live at local home games. There was, and I kid you not, a blonde guy named Lars from Sweden raising every pot. Just like online. Unfortunately for him, he wasn't very good. At showdown, when his opponent tabled top two pair, he showed his 4 hole cards thinking he'd win the pot. AAJJ, with neither of those ranks on board. "I have a higher two-pair," he said. When he finally went bust (he had about $900 in front when I sat down), and I didn't get any of it, the game lost some of its flair.
Then, to pretty much every one's surprise, the Main Event was over before 11pm local time. That only meant one thing, off to the Hooker Bar and -EV games at the Gold Coast.
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