Saturday I awoke with one of those purely content feelings. Sadly, I sometimes have to reconcile my mood with my poker results. I'm not 100% sure what that says about me now, but with positive poker results under the belt, it's much easier for my mind to be vacant from negativity. Quite a contrast from last year when each losing session made it easier for me to focus on the general day-to-day shortcomings that simply occur naturally for everyone.
By this time last year, I had already lost two four-figure pots with AA vs KK all-in pre-flop. It's just the way things went. It's not like I was playing badly those hands, nor really was my opponent. It's just simply a poker given. The hand played out in very standard fashion.
Friday night at my homegame, the same hand occurred. This time, my AA held up against G-Rob's hand. Again, standard poker. As such, my results this year are astronomically better than last year. So much so, that someone finally accused me of running like God. It would be hard to disagree.
Am I really that much of a different player this year than last? I don't think so. Do results seem to snowball whether they're good or bad? Yes. Absolutely they do. When you're running well, you don't think about losing. You don't focus on how you could have played a hand differently, because you won it. When the opposite is true, too much of your focus is lost on previous hands, previous results and how you simply have to change things drastically to improve. Well, I'm here to say that sometimes you don't have to change, at least not as much as you think you do.
Maybe it takes a while. Maybe it takes a four to five month losing streak to let you understand how even good players can run bad. Losing makes you question yourself for so long and for so hard. It takes a special kind of confidence to overcome, a confidence in yourself that flies in the face of far too much data accumulated over the course of dozens of losing sessions.
The contentment I awoke with on Saturday spilled over into other facets of my life. I truly felt lucky to be where I am in this world. My family is happy and healthy. I'm gainfully employed. I have to admit, on the inside, I tend to be a pretty selfish person. It's a me-against-the-world philosophy that I've inherited from my parents. For me to succeed, you have to lose. But that's not really the case. There are times when everyone can win.
My wife teaches 3-year olds at a church. There are a lot of families that attend that have difficulty making ends meet. There are several programs there that accept anonymous donations so that help is given where it is needed. I've decided that some of my good fortune this year should be spread out, even if only a small bit. So that's where some of my poker winnings will go later this week.
I am a lucky man.
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